i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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