Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
