remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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