last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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