There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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