Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
