Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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