I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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