4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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