Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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