its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
