I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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