why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
