Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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