don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
