Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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