So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
