at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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