And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
