Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
