I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
