You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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