Got a toothbrush?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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