Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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