Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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