in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
