I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
