he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
