Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
