i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
