my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
