She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
