On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
