The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
