Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
