Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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