i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
