Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
