will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
