I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
