I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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