So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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