Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
