So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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