I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
