I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
