New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
