Please, let me fuck your mom
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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