Tell her she can't have a vagina
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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