Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
