You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
