People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
