oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cannot find my penis.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
