we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
