how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
