I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I forget how to act sober
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
