And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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