Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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