I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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