THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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