i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
