I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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