Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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