dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
