The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FUCK WHALES
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