Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
