Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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