Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
