you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
