my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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