I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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