Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize