i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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