Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
