I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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