dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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