I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
