somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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