i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
