I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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