i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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