Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
