But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
