i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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