and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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