I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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