My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
