we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
