It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
